watch your mouth!

"Watch your mouth or I will wash it out with soap!" Bring back any memories?  Let's call it throw-back mothering.  And, yep, I have shouted that a time or two in the last few months.  It seems my boys [9 and 6 years old] know all the major swear words.  Super!!  My sweet little babes have the knowledge to swear like a trucker. 

Is there a more effective tool than a bar of soap?  I think not.  I use good old Dove soap to wash my face, so I had a bar available when I needed it.  [Luckily it appears that my boys are quick learners.  Once was enough, thank you very much!]  However, most modern day moms only have liquid soap around the house.  So what is a mother to do?  A friend recently shared her swabbing technique when a bar of soap is not handy.  Simply squeeze a small line of Dawn dish washing soap on your index finger and swab the inside of their mouth.  [An alternative would be to rub the soap on their front teeth.]  I could not stop giggling as she described her method!  If only our kids knew the enjoyment we get from discussing their demise.  Evil I tell you, pure evil. 

What techniques do you use to dissuade your children from swearing?

Old school methods are effective, including throw back snack service.  Why fix it if it isn't broke?


image via

soggy bottoms

A little ingenuity and a sense of humor got us out of a soggy situation yesterday.  Little Man was eager to run off some energy at a neighborhood park.  He bee-lined it to the super, fast slide and down he went.  In the rainy northwest, every park veteran knows to check slides for water before sliding.  My guy made a rookie mistake.  His pants were soaked from waist band to hemline-all the way through to his underwear.  Yep, pretty much ended park time.

We hustled to the car and I quickly shifted into crisis management.  I had him strip and wrap up in a blanket, which I luckily carry in my emergency box.  I didn't have time to go home, so I used my car heater vents as a dryer.  The pants would have taking a week to dry, so I dried his underwear instead.  Little Man giggled and giggled in the back seat.  We were headed into Seattle, so I bought him a new pair of warm ups when we arrived and the rest of our day went off without a hitch.

What crazy solutions have you come up with on the spur of the moment?

the pressure of a name

I recently read of parents naming their baby girls interesting names.  Rainbow and Jett.  I worry for Rainbow.  That is going to be a tough, tough road.  On the other hand, I actually really like the name Jett.  Unique, strong and a great name for a girl to grow into.  Why is one unusual name likeable and the other - not so much?

Naming a child is a huge job.  I will admit I was a little nutty.   Making list after list.  My husband and I didn't decide on our boys' names before they arrived.  There were top choices, but the final decision came after we held each one of them.  In the end, we chose traditional names for our little men.

What do you think about Rainbow or Jett as a first name?
What did you consider when you named your children?

[a post about babies?  I couldn't help myself.]

william james

henry vaughn

when your kids do wrong

[more innocent times. sweet little hands.]

When my kids do wrong it is heartbreaking.  I love these two little beings more than life itself and yet it isn't enough to keep them from making mistakes.  Yes, falling down is part of growing up, but as a parent it is saddening and even embarrassing.  I quickly begin to question my skills as a mother and expose all my shortcomings. It must be my fault somehow, right?

I am raising two boys.  The adventure that lies ahead is often staggering to think about.  Over the past year or so, I have formulated a few guidelines for myself.  Really, its just my way of finding a way to survive this crazy ride!

1.  Be firm, follow through, but remind them just how much I love them.  

Yes.  There is a consequence for a bad decision.  However, I remind myself to tell them clearly, "What you did is not ok, but I still love you and I know you will do better."

2.  Keep talking to a minimum.  

They tune me out after the first 30 seconds.  I have to choose words that will have impact.  The point needs to be made quickly if it is to penetrate the mind of a young boy. 

3.  Don't apologize for them.

Every fiber of my being fights this!  When my kids have messed up, the first thing I want to do is apologize.  I want the injured party to know just how serious this is to me.  In the past few months, I have stopped myself from doing this. While it is true I am sorry it happened, I can't own it for them.   As I speak [or type an email] to an adult, teacher, principal, or coach I convey how very disappointed I am in the actions of my son.  However, if an apology is to come - it must come from my child.  He must own it.  Not me.

Please know that my process may also include crying [privately or in public], some yelling, a whole bunch of crazy unleashed on my husband, and seeking solace with my girlfriends and a glass(es) of wine.   

No one is perfect {including kids} and we're all in this together.  At least we should be.

enjoy it.

[Little Man turned 6!  Not so little anymore.]

When my boys were really little, it would irritate me to NO END when someone would say,
"Oh, enjoy this time with them.  It is so special."  It more often then not would come at time when I literally felt like I was losing my mind [and most likely needed a shower.]  Enjoy it, huh?  Treasure it?  Have you been at my house around 5pm?  Living in the moment and enjoying them was the furthest thing from my mind.  Sadly, I felt like I was simply surviving.  My husband and I used to joke, "We're just making it to bed time." 

And now I get it.  I get what they were saying.  I feel it everyday.  I feel my boys getting "big".  Gaining independence.  Forging their own way in this world.  I'm not sad about it.  But now [outside the world of the dirty diapers and the witching hour],  I can recognize that my time with them as young boys is fleeting.  And I am going to do my very best to just enjoy it!

[via]

elf crazy

[elfie keeps a watchful eye]

The world has gone elf crazy.  These "scout" elves from the north pole are taking over the days leading up to Christmas.  

If you have an Elf on the Shelf, you may understand the madness.  Why all the fuss?  These little elves can be extremely helpful, albeit a bit creepy.  [Ever notice how his eyes always seem to be following you?]  They scout out behavior and report back to the North Pole each night.  Elves should be a mother's best friend.  I read the book each year to my kids.  It is fairly specific in detailing the elf, its powers, and its mission.  

This is where the craziness has taken over.  No where in the book does it state that the elf will come into your home and wreak havoc!!  Some elves have been known to take all the ornaments off of the tree, make cookies and toss flour everywhere, put toothbrushes in the toilet, or cover a room with post-it notes on every wall.  What kind of elf would do that?  Not our Elfie!!  [It makes no sense to me!!]

A few pointers [from our good elf] to pass along to your elf:

1.  Elfie has been know to show up in places that are "problem" areas for our family.  Man, he is on it!

2.  If Elfie has seen behavior during the day that he just doesn't want to report, he doesn't fly back to the North Pole.  [This easily explains why your kids might find the elf in the exact same spot he was in the day before.  Perfect time to review the elf's mission!  It's not mommy's fault he isn't hiding in a new spot!]

3.  Elfie is a good listener.  He enjoys hearing little boy's hopes and dreams.  He smiles, sits quietly and lets them talk.  [This is why he is invited back each and every year.]

I sure hope your elf is spreading good cheer in your home.  If not, you might consider putting in for a replacement elf.  

PS.  Have you seen this blog post?  Overachieving mommies-be warned!  Someone might be gunning for you in the Starbucks line.  It might be me!

isn't my life glamorous?

Let me set the stage:
I was picking up my two boys up from school.  It wasn't raining and they asked to play for a few minutes with their friends.  I readily agreed; it would give me a chance catch up with some girlfriends.  As I was chatting, I caught sight of Little Man.  I knew at once we were in trouble.  He was walking like the tin man [stiff legs and at a slow pace].  He had one hand behind his back holding his bottom.   I watched the scene in slow motion and calmly said, "Hurry, buddy."  Then he stopped quickly and froze. [Oh. no.]  "It already came out, mommy."  [Breathe in, breathe out.]

Quickly shifting in to crisis management mode, I gather my oldest and told him we had to go.  "Why?" he asks.  Poop in the pants.  Is that reason enough?  Living less than a mile from school, I just needed to get him home.  However, he refused to walk.  I convinced him to just get into the school bathroom and we could dump the contents of his underwear - so that he could walk to the car and sit down for the ride home. Thank goodness I wasn't a rookie.  It is a delicate process of getting a soiled pair of undies down cleanly.  Score one for mom. Step 1 complete.  Next, quickly home for clean up and new clothes. 

Once in the car I quickly fire off a text to my dear friend who witnessed it all... 
"Isn't my life glamorous?"

Her reply: "Poor thing! This is why we drink!"   [I do love my girlfriends.]

A few hours later Little Man was dancing and catching snowflakes.  I watched him and smiled.  My heart full.   [And I sure do love him!]

Is my life glamorous? No.  Do some days include poop-filled Ninjago underwear? Yes.  

Let's be honest motherhood is not for the weak.   Thankfully, the low moments are often followed by some of the best! 

and the trophy goes to....

Uh, oh.  I am so screwed.

Both of my sons are wrapping up their fall sports seasons.  And yes, they will be receiving trophies for simply being on a team.  I am indifferent to the idea of awarding trophies for nothing special.  I am pretty sure if, and when, either of them get a trophy for an actual accomplishment they will understand the difference. 

Actually, we should roll this idea over to parenting.   You wouldn't actually need maternal skills or exhibit exceptional ability.  No need to go above and beyond-just conception and birth.  Mother of Year!

lunchbox love

Who wouldn't want a little love their lunchbox?

 It is easy [takes less than 30 seconds] and the little dose of love goes a long way!

My oldest taped his favorites into the back of his homework journal last year.  [Talk about making my heart melt.]

Here are a few resources so you can find [and give] lunchbox love too:
1.  Tiny Prints.  Personal lunch box notes for your little monsters.
2.  Say Please.  Positive notes and fun trivia.  Space on back to write your own message too!
3.  Good Stuff Products.  Mommy's Messages.  You can choose from tongue twisters, jokes, and love notes.  My kids love the jokes!

a little bit of kid joy.

With September over, most kids [and moms] have settled into the school routine.  Ask my oldest how school is going and his response would be great.  Not so much with my little man.   Each morning he asks, "Is today a school day?"  I grimace these days when I have to answer yes. His one liners about kindergarten are hilarious.

"Did you know it is 6 hours long?"
"I had to do not 20 or 30, but 40 papers."
"Choice time is the only part I like."


My former mommy-self would not have been calm about this.  I would have worried and fretted and worried some more.  This time around it is different.  [Don't get me wrong.  I want my youngest to thrive, love school, and to go with the flow a bit more.]  I have learned that I have no control over how my kids feel, so I just have to honor it.  My 5 year old works hard all day long on reading, writing, sharing, math, listening, sitting......  So I have been trying to fill his afternoon with a little bit of "kid" joy!  I shoot hoops with him after school.  We made play dough together on the stove and I watched him play with it for hours.  We put up Halloween decorations.   I gave him an awesome storage container specially made for his LEGO mini-figures. And lots and lots of hugs.

....but the best, according to little man, comes on Fridays.  A bowl of ice cream with multiple toppings.  As many as he would like.

here's hoping that all it takes is a few more bowls. 

lost and found

I swear everyday my precious children can't find something. Usually it is their most prized possession [what ever it happens to be that day] and for some unknown reason they don't know where it is.  How can something be so special to you AND be missing? When I saw this quote I had to nod my head in agreement.  My boys can hold back the tears until after I have looked for them and STILL it is no where to be found.  I am sure there is a parenting technique that insists that the child should be the one who looks for the lost item.  Honestly, I don't have time for their lollygagging.  Just add it to the job description for mothers everywhere.  VP of Search and Rescue.

yep, you still have homework.

Summer is looming.....I mean coming!  These Summer Bridge Activities books are perfect if you are interested in having your kids do "just a little" this summer to keep their brains nimble. [And appropriately torture them.]

They bridge the months from one grade to another-spanning from entering kindergarteners through entering 8th graders.  They are organized to have your sweeties do one page (front and back) each day.  There is an excellent mix of grade-specific exercises in language, reading, and math.  Science, social studies, and extension activities are also included.  The pages are colorful and non-repetitive, so the kids "kinda" like them.  We have used them the past two summers with moderate success. Because let's be honest, no child wants to do any kind of school work while on summer break.

You can see sample pages on the summer bridge activities website.  The books themselves can be ordered from through their website, on amazon, or purchased at teacher supply stores. 

Bring on summer [learning]!

"me time"

I seriously think Tina Fey is genius.  I have previously used a passage from her book, Bossypants, as inspiration for a post.  Today I return to this side splitter with a few of Tina's ideas for carving out "me time" in your day.  "Me time"?  Those 5 minutes every mom is looking for to collect her thoughts, breathe deeply, and pee all by herself.

Tina advises:

• Go to the bathroom a lot.
• Take ninety-minute showers. (If you only shower every three or four days, it will be easier to get away with this.)
• Stand over the sink and eat the rest of your child's dinner while he or she pulls at your pant leg asking for it back.  
• "Sleep when your baby sleeps."  Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there?  Scream when your baby screams.  Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl.  And walk around pantless when your baby walks around pantless.

I adore her take on motherhood.  Hilarious, with a touch of realism and self-deprecation.  She and I are kindred spirits.   If only I lived in Manhattan-I do believe we could be the best of friends. 

 

Buy your own copy [here]

or download onto your Kindle, Nook, iPad, or tablet

PS.  Saw this on facebook today and loved it.  Pretty sure Tina would love it too!

 built by Kate Hatton-Whyte

shared over 3,600 times!

real moms-it isn't always pretty

Want the real deal?  Motherhood isn't always pretty and it 'aint for the faint of heart.  I wanted to end the week with a list from what I'll call real life motherhood. [Please note this is not a glamorized mommy blog written for people.com that gushes about the true gifts my children are and how mothering has only made me a more complete human.]

Real moms:

• drive their kids to school in their pajamas without brushing their hair or teeth
•  yell
• switch their kids lunches in the mad dash out the door and are bitter when they have to "fix" the f*#^ up.
•  need to drink wine (insert alcoholic beverage of choice) to do homework with their children.
• are exhausted by 9am
• buy syrup for a class party which contains high fructose corn syrup [gasp.]
• wonder daily how any of their children will turn out "normal".

These statements are all taken from true stories told by real moms.  Or they are all about me.
Remember, we are all in this together.

oh, it's a snow day!

In the midst of pulling kids up hills on sleds,  searching for carrots and buttons to complete the snowman, and snapping photos of your perfect snow angels, remember....

happy snow day to you all!  hug 'em, feed 'em, keep 'em warm! 

shower required

I giggled when I read this article about Elle MacPherson and her panache for dressing as the "ever always" super model to grab her kids from school.  Check her out!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2031743/The-Elle-effect-Two-thirds-mothers-dress-school-run.html

Seriously?

While I did not splash out for a new ensemble or a new hair style, I did up my game a bit today.  A shower was required.  Well, at least for the first day of school.   I established a rule for myself that the first day warranted a little effort on my part.  Hey, I even put on a little mascara this morning.  That is probably the best I have got.  For the next 179 days you will find me in work out gear or sweats at drop off.  Heck, if I am being brutally honest- on dark, dreary days in the doldrums of January it might even be my pj's.  (That is when you say a little prayer that your car doesn't break down and you are stranded on the side of the road as everyone you know drives past!) 


Here is to a great school year and to never getting caught in your pjs!

throw back snack service

This is a post that many, many moms have asked me to write.  Now seems like the perfect time!

Sunday marks the beginning of a new era for us.  Our first soccer jamboree.  A real team, with a real jersey, and real games.  (Up to this point it has just been micro soccer with a scrimmage.)  This is also usually means the creation of the snack calendar.  You know what I am speaking of, right?  Each family chooses a game in which they will provide snack for the entire team (and usually siblings).  Just like the dreaded goodie bag (see my previous post the goodie bag dilemma), this has gotten out of control!

Gone are the days when a family provided orange slices and water for half time.  Oh, no.  The snacks are usually consumed after the game, so it can be pretty much anything.  Some mothers freak over the nutritional value and spend precious time trying to provide a kid friendly snack that is healthy.  Others totally cave to their little angels and buy cookies, cupcakes, or doughnuts.  Don't get me wrong.   I love a good cookie, but do our kids really need a reward for spending an hour playing a game with their friends? Or if you are more like me, you forget until 15 minutes before game time and have to stop at the store and grab the first thing that catches your eye. 

Once the calendar is created it is like an ominous cloud hanging overhead.  Is it our snack day?  With so many children with allergies (some very serious) you must make sure that everyone can safely eat your snack.  Do you also provide drinks with your snack?  How many siblings will be at the game?  Small children dissolve quickly into tears if they aren't also treated to a snack.  The hassle goes on and on.  It is hard enough to have a clean uniform and to get to the game on time.  Must we cause ourselves another headache?

I already know I am not the only one who feels this way.  BUT, who will be the one that says anything?  (Probably no one!)  Maybe I should suggest this season we follow the trend of many pro teams wearing a "throw back" jersey.  We should serve "throw back" snacks.  Oranges and water for all!  Not a totally elimination of snack, but a step in the right direction.

camp mommy

oh, the dog days of August.  Although the days are not sweltering, the summer is, sadly, coming to an end.  With just over 2 weeks of break left, I find myself smack dab in the middle of Camp Mommy.  What is this exciting camp you ask?  Let me explain.

My kids have no, I repeat NO, planned activities this week. So, I have dubbed it Camp Mommy and the boys think it is the greatest thing.  They are completely in charge of our week.

Here are the rules:

1. They have been given a budget for the week. 
2. They may choose any local activity but every cost must come out of their budget.
3. Any food or drink ( or treats!) purchased during the day must also come out their budget.
4. There must be at least 1 hour of physical activity each day.  This could include bike riding, swimming, a hike.....anything that gets them moving and burns some calories.
5. They have to read at least 20 minutes each day. 

With Day 1 under our belts, it is off to a great start.  I will recap our week on Friday.  How are all of you surviving the last unstructured days of summer?

mommy shortcut #11

I call them shortcuts, others may view it as sheer laziness. (Why must we judge?)

Not often anymore, but occasionally, one of my children will wet the bed.  The scene usually plays out with a quick change of pj's and the rest of the night between mom and dad.  Most of the time, I remember (and have time) to strip the bunk bed in question and change the sheets.  However, there are other times that I remember I needed to do this extra chore just as my kids are crawling into bed.

Mommy shortcut #11:  The sleeping bag.
Sheets need changing, but you don't have the time or energy?  Simply pull up all sheets including quilt or comforter.  Place a sleeping bag on top.  (If you have to-sell them on a camping theme and tell a campfire story or something, but my kids are always jazzed about the sleeping bag.  It's a win-win.)  You have just bought yourself an extra night.

takes a lickin'.......

My oldest received this Timex watch for his birthday last month.  He was so darn excited and doesn't EVER want to take it off.  He sleeps with it on his wrist and is always requesting to be the family time keeper.  Upon receiving the gift, he also was "gifted" with the responsibility lecture we have all received. (I, shamefully, will add- the one I promised not to give because no one is listening anyway.)
Take care of this watch.  Don't lose it. Blah, blah.....blah, blah.

He had it exactly one week before it was lost.  Here is the kicker......I lost it!  Before jumping into the pool for swim lessons, I had him take it off.   I slipped it into the outside pocket of my purse.  Where that damn thing ran off to-your guess is as good as mine! It must have fallen out.  We didn't realize it was missing until bed time.  Fantastic timing! (Form a mental picture of that scene in your mind.)

Trying to turn my total flub into yet another teachable moment, I made the little one trek all over the beach club looking for that watch the next day.  Every lost and found, the lifeguard office, the locker room.  Nada.  I gave up hope and ordered another one on amazon.  Lucky for me it was only 13 bucks.

I later found out that Timex has a replacement policy for kids watches.  Lose it within 1 year of purchase and get a replacement for $10.  Isn't that big of them?  Pretty certain someone in our family will have to replace the timepiece again by next June.  Let's just hope it isn't me!